Significant running

by Jonathan Beverly

"I was having trouble with my knee and dropped into a race walk, just for three steps Welcome to the world of running with your significant other. The image is romantic: spending time together, doing something physical, improving your bodies. More often than not, however, reality is not so pretty.

My wife, Tracy, and I have run together a couple times a week since she started running two years ago. We consider it a good run if we remain civil for the duration. Coaching adult runners at the New York Road Runners Club, I discovered that we are not unique. A number of women were taking the class at least partly so they could better run with their husbands, who complained that they were too slow. Other men gripe that their women are too fast, as I observed with a competitive female athlete and a former-jock husband who couldn't keep up.

Decreasing the gap between partners' ability levels may help some, as a wide discrepancy compounds the difficulties. Differences in personality and motivation, however, combined with the volatile spectrum of emotions invoked by running, create a minefield to challenge the most adept relationship navigator. As a coach, and as a husband, more than once I have concluded that the best advice is "Just don't do it." For those foolish enough to ignore this advice, I offer the following rules:

1. The slower partner always sets the pace. If you want to run with someone who pushes you, make it someone you are not going home with.
2. Run beside your partner. Competitive runners note: this means slightly behind. My wife uses the arm test: if she throws her arm out sideways it should hit me in the center of the chest (sometimes with considerable force). It goes without saying that you never walk, run backward, practice high knees, or in any other way deviate from your standard running form.
3. Be careful with coaching. Often one partner has more running experience than the other and can offer valuable advice. I learned quickly, however, that when my wife asked if her workouts were doing any good, she was looking for a compliment, not a discussion of intensity, duration, and heart rate.
4. If in doubt, keep your mouth shut. The potential for verbal blunders boggles the mind. Some of my personal "bests": Discouraging. Immediately after describing your 8x800m, negative-split, repeat-hill workout is not a good time to ask, "So, did you run, too?" Patronizing. This is what Tracy accuses me of when I respond "That's great!" to her answer to the question above. Denigrating. "It's really the same for me" is not an appropriate response when your partner asks if you would rather run together or take a walk. I meant from a training perspective - honest. Projecting. This is evidenced when I interject "Are you psyched for your race Saturday?" into a discussion of how running relaxes her after a stressful work day. (And it is equally evidenced when she suggests that surely I'm ready to cut back my training after a marathon PR.)
5. Be creative. When different motivations, goals, and training programs collide, it may be necessary to develop new patterns. Warm up together, do separate workouts, then arrange to meet for a cool-down. Add a morning run together to your normal p.m. workout. Alternate entering races so that each is the sole focus once in a while.
6. Be willing to bag it. Running together is hard work. The faster partner must concentrate to maintain form and pace. The slower partner has to put up with the faster partner. Some days it just doesn't work. Much better that you go your own ways, get in a good, hard run, and meet back home tired and happy.

Jonathan and Tracy Beverly live, and sometimes run, together in New York City. Permission granted to redistribute, as long as you acknowledge the author, FootNotes and the Road Runners Club of America.